Sri Lanka launches new sport – Parliamentary Wrestling

The staid world of Wrestling was rocked today with the launch of a new variant in Sri Lanka – Parliamentary Wrestling. Speaking at a news conference after the opening match, spokesman Nimal ‘The Dozer’ Siripala said, ‘there is huge global interest in watching pot-bellied old men flailing at each other, and this is a sport that Sri Lanka can dominate’.

The WWF-like sport was originally to be branded as ‘WPF’ (Wrestling Parliamentarians Federation) but given the reaction to today’s season opening bout, the organizers have instead opted to brand it as ‘WTF!’

Follow up bouts are scheduled throughout the next few weeks with great expectations placed on wrestling superstars such as Mahinda ‘Musto Man’ Rajapakse, Thilanga ‘I Bet You I’ll Win’ Sumathipala and Ranil ‘The Limpet’ Wickremesinghe. The latter being famous for his ‘Hold On Till Death’ move where he locks into a position and then doesn’t let go. Ever.

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